An unusual situation
Somehow I had always known he was out there somewhere waiting for me. Not some abstract child but him.
I left a pause, a space for the room to fill back up with air.
“I came in today thinking that I would just hear what you have to say and I’d need to take some time to think about it. But I don’t. It’s a yes.”
Cassie’s eyes filled with tears. She shifted in her chair, sideways, as if that would make them invisible.
“I don’t know if you believe in God” I said “but yesterday I was going to call you to take myself off the list. It has been too long waiting with a child’s room empty. I just couldn’t do it anymore. And then you called.”
“It was meant to be,” Cassie said.
Sue gave Cassie a look.
“That’s great. That’s the response we want. But we still want you to think about it on the drive home.”
There was no doubt. He was my Goldilocks kid. An hour in a car wasn’t going to change my mind.
“So how long before I can adopt?”
Sue tamped my file on the table.
“We like to wait 2 years before we start the process, in case problems come up, so you know what you’re getting, so you can make up your mind.”
“I’m not going to raise a child for 2 years then change my mind. If I’m in, I’m in.”
“Well, let’s not get a head of ourselves,” Sue said.
“And what’s the time frame before he comes to me?”
Cassie was beaming. “Well, there’s the court date in September to see if the step father has a legal right to contest the permanent foster placement. He’ll fight tooth and nail.”
Silence.
Sue took the lead. “Then the hearing to determine that the child should be on permanent orders. They could decide they want him to be with a Chinese family or extended family. But we don’t think his uncle will change his mind. He was clear. He doesn’t want him. The family has been estranged for over 20 years.”
Silence.
“So Sue, are you saying it’s not definite that Nathan will be but in permanent care? Potentially he could go back to a parent or relative?”
“It’s possible but highly unlikely. There’s no other family that might want him. We looked.”
She paused.
“This is an unusual situation. We usually don’t place a child with a permanent carer until the final orders are made. We can’t see how the judge could restore him to his parents.”
Cassie said “he met his grand mother for the first time but she doesn’t speak English well and he doesn’t speak Chinese, so it was hard. For him and for her.”
Sue added “He doesn’t really have a connection to Chinese culture. Maybe some noodle dishes his mother makes. But he’s shown an interest recently and there are Chinese cultural fairs, Chinese restaurants.”
I resisted the urge to bang my head repeatedly on the desk. Perhaps I should put a fortune cookie on his pillow; that would tick the culture box.
“So how long will this take? I need to enrol him in school, activities, can he swim? I live near the beach and he has to be able to swim.”
Sue: “Ok, let’s slow right down. Nothing is certain. The courts are clogged up. It won’t be ’til at least December — 4 months — that the court order is made. I realise this period of uncertainty can be difficult.”
“OK I just need to make plans.”
Cassie’s enthusiasm was unquenched and I wanted her boss to leave the room so that we could do the jumping up and down whilst hugging that the occasion required.
I wanted her boss to leave the room so that we could do the jumping up and down whilst hugging that the occasion required.
My mind zoomed to all the things that needed to be put in place, the giant to-do-list.
They gave me a few sheets of paper with an outline of Nathan and his sad history and reminded me I couldn’t show it to anyone.
“Would you like to see a photo?” Cassie asked.
“Is that allowed?”
I know what I was expecting. A milky-skinned Chinese child, with sober eyes, a child that people would always know I had adopted.
Cassie looked at her boss. She nodded. Cassie handed over the photo.
He had my skin, my nose, my mouth, my smile. The eyes weren’t mine but the look in them, that I recognized. If you saw us together you would think I was his mother. There is nothing of me in him but there is something of me about him.
Cassie handed over three photos, like tarot cards, my future being told.
“This is him eating a cupcake with icing that he got all over his face. And a school photo. And here he is playing Lego.”
His eyes were almost closed he was laughing so hard. He was lying on the floor on his side, swashbuckling in the Lego pirate ship on the blue nylon carpet.
“He’s beautiful!”
He looked like I’d gone to the local Chinese and come home with a little takeaway.
Cassie took the photos back.
“One of his issues is he’s quick to call people Mum. Gayle, his foster carer, said he shouldn’t call her Mum because he already has a Mum. He could call her Nan instead; but he still calls her Mum. I don’t think he knows what Mum means.”
Cassie looks up from the photos. She is clearly attached to him.
“And he’ll hug strangers sometimes, which makes them feel awkward. He’ll need help with that, recognizing boundaries.”
It felt like we had reached the end of the interview and now was my chance for questions.
“I’m not sure how to ask this. I was told I couldn’t adopt unless I’d been in a relationship for three years, meaning I can’t be in a relationship until an adoption is finalised. It’s not like I’m looking to be in a relationship but just thought I’d clarify.”
I had a steady and satisfying relationship with a vibrator that met my needs. Perhaps I should give him a name…
Sue laughed.
“We don’t expect you to give up your love life. It would be best if you don’t move in with someone for at least a year. If you adopt before you’re in a relationship for three years, then you’d adopt in your name only.”
“Good to know.”
Sue continued.
“So now you’ve heard about him, what do you think you’d find easiest?
I noted her ‘you would’ not ‘you will‘.
“Helping him with his reading. I’m good at that. I love that.”
Sue wrote in her file.
“And what do you think you’d find the hardest?”
“Telling him not to call me Mum.”
The rest was goodbyes and formalities.
Somehow I had always known he was out there somewhere waiting for me. Not some abstract child but him. It felt like we had always been searching for each other.
I got into my car and drove down the street. And then I started sobbing as if transforming into a werewolf, something wild bursting to get out. I pulled the car over onto a side street. I folded my hands over the steering wheel and let my forehead fall onto its centre. I cried until my body and my throat hurt, bellowed like some animal. I can’t tell you why I cried but if I had to put words around it, I was crying “at last.”
See previous posts in a 12 part series on a single woman’s journey through the foster system 1. Letter to the Minister 2. List every relationship you’ve ever had and why it ended 3. The Asian tick box 4. Where the wogs go 5. The Goldilocks principle 6. Letter to Keanu Reeves 7. An Anglican minister, a Catholic nun and a Buddhist philosopher walk into a cafe 8. To be or not to be: The singleton’s conundrum 9. Absolutely fine 10. Fate and other fuckery 11. Danger signs 12. An unusual situation
Wishing you love and all good things x
